It’s just a ride…a long list of things I have learned (to date)

It’s been one heck of a ride.  One crazy, mixed up, muddled up time, it really has.  And I got to thinking…what have I learned?  When I look back over the last eighteen months or so, what have I learned?

• Really tough hard exercise can sort out all manner of crap.
• Listen to your body.  It really does tell the truth.  Unfortunately most of us stick our fingers in our ears and sing loudly.
• Breathing is very hard.
• Your mind will lead you astray.
• Meditation should be obligatory – for the mental health of the world.
• Never tell anyone what to do.  It is not your business.
• Contradictions abound.
• Love your enemies – they have the most to teach you.  Seriously.
• Nothing is real. Really.
• Unfortunately banks don’t run on quantum principles.
• Being Zen is tough.
• When in doubt, play loud rock music.
• Fasting for long periods and driving is not a good combination.
• Think before you spout out shit.
• Don’t think too much.
• Sense of humour is the probably the most important character trait you can have.
• If you can’t change your life, change the way you think about it.
• We are all alone.
• You can’t please everyone – don’t even try.
• Nobody can save you. (I like Nobody).
• If you love someone, tell them (yes, even if they’re psychic).
• Try not to judge.
• Dogs are small gods.
• Gods bite.
• Teabags lie.
• Sugar is sweet evil.
• Life is too short for gardening or housework – unless you enjoy them (you weirdos).
• Friends that don’t like you just the way you are aren’t your friends.
• Smoked tofu with almonds totally utterly rocks.
• So do small knitted slugs.
• Never judge a book by its cover (literally – ho ho – and metaphorically).
• When something about someone really bugs you, ten to one you have that self-same trait yourself. Which is hugely annoying.
• Massage is the dog’s bollocks.  Please read that sentence carefully.
• The truth hurts.
• Use all your senses – all the time.
• Religion is bonkers.
• People are weird.
• Never make assumptions.
• Love really is the bottom line.
• Be kind. Or at least try.
• Avoid wankers.
• Sometimes incredibly meaningful-seeming things are probably just incredibly random but that doesn’t not make them incredibly wonderful.
• Open your heart wide open.
• Have no regrets.
• Give it your best shot.
• Don’t take yourself too seriously.
• It’s not always about you.
• It’s always about you.
• Oracles are open to misinterpretation.
• When dealing with arsewipes, just smile sweetly and nod.
• It’s not worth trying to force the universe. The universe will snicker at you from behind its hand.
• Never give up.
• Know when you’re on a losing wicket and quietly pad out backwards making small ‘I’m not really here’ hand motions.
• Never turn down a rain poncho.
• Never ever EVER get a bikini wax by a girl who’s only done, like, two before.